I didn’t like where this was going. Normally, being invited boating would be great. I mean, all I ever want here in Floridumb is a boat or to be invited out on a boat. But this was a setup situation. A boat date. With boat drinks. The only person I would know is my coworker, JJ and I told her her I cannot enjoy a day of boating under the pretext of a set up. It’s not like that she said, and tried to convince me that she and I would hang out while her boyfriend and his old Chicago buddy would be fishing off the boat. Already queasy, I reluctantly, half-heartedly said a vague maybe/yes.
Bring a towel
Nothing good can come from being told to bring a towel. Didn’t this imply getting wet? Which would mean wearing a bathing suit. In front of strangers (cue body shaming cycle). Wakeboarding was also mentioned though I was told I didn’t have to participate in that. No shit. Ok, but still that meant I’d have to swirl around in a boat over and over watching people having fun and being brave.
Flotsam | Jetsam
Did I mention that this all takes place during the latter part of Covid phase 1? So getting out on a boat did sound freeing. But Chicago boy flying down to Florida spreading rampant indoor midwest Covid particles sounded irresponsible and stupid so I already didn’t like him. Also I realized, I would have to talk. To people. All day. Over a motor and wind. I don’t like wind. The little frizzy bits around my temples blow into my ears and it sets off some histamine reaction where I want to stick my fingers in my ears and jiggle them to try to get at the itch. It makes me irritated and edgy. And would we wear masks? Would there be any shade? Because I am smearing Retin-A on my face and neck nightly to prevent wrinkles (supposedly) and all day boating would amount to 3rd degree burns and weeks of peeling, even with SPF 132. Also, what if this guy was so f-ing annoying and the conversation got political and he loved Trump and I would have to hurl myself overboard? There’s no escaping when you’re on a boat and you’ve decided you’re done.
Sunday is my anxiety day and I cannot possibly go boating.
Aw, get out of your head- go do something fun I told myself, pretending I was my friends and family. You get to go boating! I am known to back out of things at the last minute (what a jerk), but when I push through and do the thing, I often end up having the best time. Plus, what if Chicago boy was funny like Bill Murray? Or what if he turned out to be John Cusack visiting his old high school buddy? But the Friday before the outing I received a text saying “We’re so excited – we’ll see you Sunday! And don’t forget to bring a towel.” Wait, what? I thought we were going on Saturday. Not good. Saturday is the boating day. But boating on a Sunday? That’s my anxiety day. Sunday anxiety. The Sunday Scaries. I need to be freaking out on my couch (watching Turner Classic Movies). I quickly brainstormed some lame excuses like …..Sunday is my anxiety day and I cannot possibly go boating.
Bring a towel.
