Hey, Go Buy Some Cigarettes…I’ll write you a note for the cashier.
From around the age 6, my friend DM and I were frequently sent to the Li’l General with a wad of cash to buy cigarettes while our dads watched the Miami Dolphins and our moms layed out by the pool getting suntans. For real. We’d set off on our walk with a handwritten note from her dad stating that we have permission to buy a couple of packs of Marlboros. We loved it because we got to buy candy with the change -Fun Dips, Bottle Caps, Pixie Stix and whatever else we wanted. There we were, two blondies in shorty-shorts, clueless as shit loitering outside the Li’l General with the long-haired smoking teens and other miscreants. At least we knew better than to accept rides from men with creepy kidnapper vans (like the ones with only the little round windows). We both wanted to carry the Marlboros. I’d stuff a pack in my waistband cuz I imagined that’s what Tatum O’Neal would do, having seen Paper Moon & The Bad News Bears. We’d walk back smoking candy cigarettes (which actually blew fake smoke). Still alive.
Let’s Jump off the Roof Into the Pool…. Topless.
When your 70s dads are young, they still think like teen boys, which can be fun and adventurous for a kid. And also dangerous. My dad, and DMs dad, came up with all sorts of activities that they considered “resilience building” and would now be considered reckless endangerment. One of the more mild confidence-building activities was to jump off the roof into the pool. We’d climb a rickety old wood ladder up to the roof and walk over above the deep end, stand close to the edge and get the “you can do it” talk. Why topless you ask? DM and I were total tomboys (Tatum O’Neal) plus it was the 70s. Plus….Florida where everything that happens seems to involve felonies, alligators, and half clothing.
What did our moms have to say about this roof jumping? “Ya’ll be careful out there.” Still alive.
Alone in the Mall…Stealing Wishes from the fountain.
My mom and DMs mom loved to shop at the mall. Any mall. The 70s were all about malls. Fountains were the centerpiece and some stores even had shag carpeting (ew, ew, ew). There was a new mall in town, all pink and purple swirls, bubble lamps, mushroom stools, ponds and firework fountains – very mid-century/psychedelic. One one outing , while the moms were shopping for baby clothes (DM’s mom was pregnant with twins) we decided to go explore. No one noticed we were gone (surprise!). In fact, we were probably told to go play. We ran up and down the circular ramps, jumped the mushrooms, and played hide and seek around the mall’s center. After a while we got hungry and there was all sorts of mall food nearby but we didn’t have any money. Plus, we had no idea how to get back to the baby store where our moms were. There were plenty of coins in the fountain though, so we took off our shoes, rolled up our pants and waded through collecting coins. Brilliant. Got ourselves an Orange Julius to share from the teenage boy who didn’t question the barefoot little 6 year old girls and the wet coins. We were still hungry so we went back in for more money. Some adults walked by staring, but no one said anything to us. Or asked where our parents were. Again, 70s. We took our wet coins to the pretzel shack where the woman looked at us suspiciously as she slid us 2 giant pretzels. When she asked why our money (mostly pennies) was wet we ran away. Soon enough, the creepy mall security man showed up and told us we could be in serious trouble for stealing mall property- fountain coins- and asked how we felt about jail. We didn’t steal from the mall DM said, we just stole some wishes-but only because we were starving. He made us hold his big, moist, meaty paws and walked us, barefoot, back to the baby shop and to some other shops until we found our moms. Our moms were in The Cricket Shop (green shag carpet, cricket sounds, ferns). Your girls were wading in the fountain and stealing money to buy food, the man said. Our moms snickered. DMs mom said Well, it’s really not the mall’s money now is it? It’s people’s wishes, and we know they’re not really real, The only thing they were upset about is that we were returned without our shoes.vGirls! Where on earth are your shoes? Go get them before they get stolen! Still alive.
Trick or Treating as an “Oriental”….an actual costume.
So in the 70s there was an unfortunate and inappropriate Halloween costume called “Oriental”. My mom bought it for me to wear! Yep. Maybe I liked it, who knows. It was one of those packaged costumes that tied at the neck and had bad plastic masks cut out eyes and a stapled elastic string, only this one was better because it had a satin robe which I must have kept for awhile because it is in several pictures from those years. In this photo, DM is the clown next to me. No idea who the ghost is with the unfortunate Charlie Brown cutout eye holes and the other girl with no costume-guess she was just along for the candy. Maybe a religious thing. She had a lot of hair. $100 bucks says we trick-or-treated alone. And the Oriental was in charge, being the tallest and all. Had to check apples for razor blades, but it was ok to let your small children trick-or-treat alone. In the dark. In the 70s. Still alive.
